TOTP - Top Ten Annoying Things That Old People Do

Chris Kent, what a great guy. He wrote a list, emailed it to topofthepods@gmail.com, then we only went and made one of those newfangled podcast thingies out of for www.topofthepods.com:-

• 10 – Wear too few clothes when on the beach
• 9 – Fart uncontrollably
• 8 – Keep telling you about the past when your not interested
• 7 – Repeatedly ask stupid questions
• 6 – Do stupid things with their computer and then expect you to fix it
• 5 – Take out their false teeth and show them to you
• 4 – Drive too slowly
• 3 - Wear formal clothes when they don't have to work
• 2 – Lose their glasses when you want them to read something
• 1 – Wear too few clothes when on the beach

Are you old* and annoying? Then why not leave your age on our comments board alongside an example of something annoying you do. Prizes go to the oldest and most annoying thing**.

* - Above 40
** - The best thing is we can promise you a prize and because you are so old you'll forget all about.

TOTP - Top Ten Alternate Swear Words

We don't actually swear on this show - it is family friendly so don't worry! What a great list from Ben who sent this list to topofthepods@gmail.com in some crazy Mac-only format, fortunatly Rob managed to call upon the vast library of PC software to read Bens list. If you want to help us out on www.topofthepods.com then why not subscribe using iTunes? Subscribing using iTunes means that Apple will rank us higher in their top 100 podcasts, which gives us a little more exposure for those who haven't heard of our show before:-

• 10 – Tool
• 9 – Dipstick
• 8 – Jeepers
• 7 – Fiddlesticks
• 6 – Shoot
• 5 – Berk
• 4 – Typical
• 3 - Eejit
• 2 – Fudge
• 1 – Smeg

Announcement

Due to the nature of our show we have decided it would inappropriate to record a podcast tonight. Thanks to everyone for all the emails of concern that we have been getting today about the attack on London, we are both fine.

Our thoughts are with the people who have lost family and friends in the attack, and we would like to thank our emergency services for their hard work today.

Jon and Rob

TOTP - Top Ten Apple Products

Mark 'LeShark' Nicholson (which is French for 'The Shark') emailed topofthepods@gmail.com with his favourite ten Apple products. Send us your list to the same address and we'll do you a show on www.topofthepods.com :-

• 10 – iSight
• 9 – Bluetooth wireless keyboard / mouse
• 8 – Apple Newton
• 7 – eMac / iMac
• 6 – OS X Tiger
• 5 – iPod Mini
• 4 – AirPort Express Base Station
• 3 - Power Mac
• 2 – Mac Mini
• 1 – Original iPod

TOTP - Top Ten Search Engine Tips

We like to be geeky once in a while as we can't always think of anything funny to say. Today Rob tries teaching everyone a thing or two about getting listed by search engines. You might want to skip todays www.topofthepods.com if you are not a computer nerd, but if you write a blog this might help you get noticed:-

• 10 – Know your keywords
• 9 – Make sure your web site is search engine friendly
• 8 – Don’t expect search engines can read images
• 7 – Avoid using a flash / pdf only site
• 6 – Avoid those people that sell "Submit to 10,000 search engines", and dynamic sites sometimes get ignored
• 5 – Remember Google ranks by links coming in
• 4 – Make your keywords prominent and relevant
• 3 - Submit properly
• 2 – Monitor and react
• 1 – Update your content

Tell us what you think by emailing topofthepods@gmail.com, we've got another computer one for tommorow to really scare everyone who was expecting some more food lists away. If you want to try some of our older shows then why not go back to our archives for April, May, June and July - you'll be able to download our entire back catalogue - we have almost 70 shows for your listening pleasure.

TOTP - Top Ten Reasons Why I Is Proud To Be An American

One word. Sorry. Not that Rob isn't bitter about the American company Apple messing up on iTunes, or the American web site Podcast Alley crashing in Top of the Pods moment of number 4 glory, or the American that stole Robs last decent girlfriend. But it is the Forth of July, and we were going to do a 'Top Ten Misconceptions About Americans'. It seemed like a better idea to ask our resident token Americans Hank and Eugene to present the same list of why they are proud of their countries achievements:-

• 10 – We have the best in TV
• 9 – We roll in piles of money
• 8 – We invented the English language
• 7 – We make the best tourists
• 6 – We eat loads
• 5 – We dominate the Podcast Alley charts
• 4 – We brought the world Sir David Hasselhoff
• 3 - We drink, wash and swim in unlimited supplies of oil and gasoline
• 2 – We get to invade other peoples countries and tell them how to run it
• 1 – We have the best girls

Express your opinions, thoughts and death threats to topofthepods@gmail.com, we'll read out the best ones on our www.topofthepods.com podcast.

TOTP - Top Ten Comedy Double Acts

Its Robs favourite comedy double acts on www.topofthepods.com. Sorry to the rest of the world for a high volume of UK based comedian references, but we do spawn some classic shows (unlike the US). Take 'The Office' for example - oh sorry, the US did - then look what happened. Email abuse to topofthepods@gmail.com. :-

• 10 – Cannon and Ball
• 9 – Little and Large
• 8 - The Mighty Boosh
• 7 – Adam and Joe
• 6 – Taggart and Rosewood
• 5 – Smith and Jones
• 4 – Baddiel and Skinner
• 3 - Vic and Bob
• 2 – Barry and Paul Chuckle
• 1 – Morecambe and Wise

TOTP - Top Ten Blokes To Go Down The Pub With

Paul from www.podcastpaul.com has sent us a list to topofthepods@gmail.com with his ten ideal men that he'd like to go drinking on a night out with. We just had to read this list out on www.topofthepods.com. Thanks by the way to everyone that helped us reach number 4 yesterday on www.podcastalley.com, we think this is both because of Mark from the Tartan Podcast asking his vast audience to vote for us, and also because America was fast asleep at the time:-

• 10 – Rod Hull
• 9 – Chris Evans
• 8 – David Beckham
• 7 – Robbie Williams
• 6 – George Best
• 5 – Frank Bruno
• 4 – Mr T
• 3 - Jamie Oliver
• 2 – Suggs from Madness
• 1 – Steven Hawkins

TOTP - Top Ten Things To Do To Drunk People

Now we here at the work and family safe www.topofthepods.com don't usually take advantage of people, unless they are too drunk to remember. So this weekend if you get the opportunity here is a list of ten things to do to your wasted chums:-

• 10 – Mobile phone language settings
• 9 – Face painting
• 8 – Arrange a date via text message
• 7 – Clothes tampering
• 6 – Hand in hot water
• 5 – Hair removal
• 4 – Clock and time tampering
• 3 - Dump them on doorsteps
• 2 – Credit card fraud
• 1 – Tattoos

We also had a special guest appearance from two special actors from the classic 1980's film Breakdance telling you to download iPodder and subscribe to the Top of the Pods feed. Remember to keep your own listener lists flooding in to topofthepods@gmail.com. Oh, then there is the small matter of going to this web site and entering your email address in as we were number 7 at one point today...

http://www.podcastalley.com/one_vote2.php?pod_id=2992

TOTP - Top Ten Star Wars Characters From Episodes 1 to 3

Adam from Australia has emailed topofthepods@gmail.com with his list of the best Star Wars Characters From Episodes 1 to 3, so we proudly read them out on www.topofthepods.com :-

• 10 - Jabba the Hutt
• 9 - Jango Fett
• 8 - Mace Windu
• 7 - R2D2
• 6 - Nute Gunray
• 5 - Anakin Skywalker
• 4 - Emperor/Darth Sidious
• 3 - Obi Wan Kenobi
• 2 - Darth Maul
• 1 - Yoda

TOTP - Top Ten People Rob Wont Miss When They Go

Rob from http://www.topofthepods.com/ was in such a bad mood today that he started compiling hate lists, if you want to agree or disagree then email topofthepods@gmail.com:-

• 10 – Micheal Carrol
• 9 – Gary Glitter
• 8 – Jimmy Carr
• 7 – Geoffrey Archer
• 6 – All Ex-Big Brother Contestants
• 5 – Liza Minelli
• 4 – That Eamon Bloke
• 3 - J-Lo
• 2 – Cast of Friends
• 1 – The Crazy Frog

TOTP - Top Ten Ways To Cope In Hot Weather

In all this warm weather we are having recently Rob took it upon himself to knock out a www.topofthepods.com Top Ten list for keeping cool:-

• 10 – Go outdoors
• 9 – Hold a BBQ
• 8 – Keep the fridge stocked with ice creams and lollipops
• 7 – Have lots of showers
• 6 – Cotton, t-shirts, light colours, sandals
• 5 – Spray yourself in cold water
• 4 – Home made air conditioner
• 3 - Turn off electrical stuff
• 2 – Swimming
• 1 – Drink everything in sight

Please keep those emails coming in to topofthepods@gmail.com and don't forget we have 2 days left to get into the Top 50 at Podcast Alley, so please vote here - today we are 69 in the charts!

TOTP - Top Ten Office Pranks

We all like to have a little fun when we work. Rob has compiled his Top Ten list of office pranks:-

• 10 – Play hide and seek with other peoples stuff
• 9 – Upside down desk
• 8 – Swapping desk draws
• 7 – Fill draws up with lots of small things
• 6 – Computer peripheral swapping
• 5 – Desktop wallpaper screengrab
• 4 – Wrapping possessions - here is the Tin Foil desk website
• 3 - Swap keys on a keyboard
• 2 – Telephone highlighter mouthpeice
• 1 – Open, modify and reseal parcels

Here is the video which goes along with the number one of the Top Ten Office Pranks (check out the podcast mp3 first though), and thanks to Terry W for helping film this:-

Top_of_the_Pods_Bike_Prank.wmv

TOTP - Top Ten Scottish Misconceptions

Mark from the Tartan Podcast has not only been trying to get us into a decent position in Podcast Alley, but busy writing lists. He was so fed up with peoples misconceptions about those wonderful Scottish people that he wrote the a list of them for us here at www.topofthepods.com:-

• 10 – They are all alcoholics
• 9 – They all eat haggis
• 8 – They are all mean
• 7 – They all wear kilts
• 6 – They all wear blue face paint running around fields yelling 'freedom'
• 5 – That Scotland is a 3rd world country
• 4 – That English isn't Scotlands first language
• 3 - That Scotland is part of England
• 2 – That The Proclaimers represent the best of Scottish music
• 1 – That it rains a lot

Mark goes on to explain in depth in his email to topofthepods@gmail.com about rain, this explanation is probably best kept to the shownotes:

"...a large piece of Scotland is made up of the ruggedly scenic Highlands, where annual rainfall exceeds 1600mm (63 inches). In comparison, a huge proportion of Scotland, some 3730 square miles, has an annual rainfall of less than 800mm (31 inches). Moreover, many districts in the north and east of the country have a total rainfall of less that 250mm (10 inches) on average over the four Summer months, which is comparable with the drier parts of England."

TOTP - Top Ten Non Human Actors

Humans ain't perfect, especially when it comes to acting (there is a list with J-Los name all over it somewhere). Sometimes its time to step to one side and let something else do the acting. Rob brings his list of the www.topofthepods.com ten non human actors. Remember to keep your lists, comments, audio comments, podcast promos and sponsorship offers flooding into topofthepods@gmail.com:-

• 10 – Kitt
• 9 – ET
• 8 – Herbie
• 7 – Yoda
• 6 – The woman off Terminator 3
• 5 – HAL
• 4 – Gollum
• 3 - The Totty Cylon
• 2 – Mr Jinx
• 1 – Grace Jones

TOTP - Top Ten Office Time Wasting Techniques

Sorry to Giles from Australia who emailed us at topofthepods@gmail.com a while ago, we have been so disorganised that we haven't had a chance to present his list of Top Ten Office Time Wasting Techniques on www.topofthepods.com. Due to the popularity of our iPodder advert we have been busy writing another script to appeal to our American audience :-

• 10 – Chatting about last nights TV
• 9 – Tiding desk
• 8 – Phone call to mates
• 7 – Football results discussion
• 6 – Writing TOTP Top Tens
• 5 – Toilet (with newspaper)
• 4 – Emailing
• 3 - The walkabout
• 2 – Coffee/tea procurement
• 1 – Internet browsing

TOTP - Top Ten Cult Shows

Its listener list today, not only does Rowley from Dark Compass provide us with server space, but also writes excellent show material. He just wrote them, sent them in to topofthepods@gmail.com, then we posted them here on www.topofthepods.com - here are the Top Ten Cult Shows:-

• 10 – The X-Files
• 9 – Babylon 5
• 8 – The Prisoner
• 7 – The Avengers
• 6 – Thunderbirds
• 5 – Blake's Seven
• 4 – Stargate SG-1 and Stargate Atlantis
• 3 - Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel
• 2 – Star Trek
• 1 – Doctor Who

TOTP - Top Ten Alternate Doctor Who Actors

With Christopher Eccleston leaving the role of Doctor Who we compiled a Top Ten list of true Englishmen who we thought would make a great replacement. Stay tuned at the end of todays show on www.topofthepods.com, we have produced an exclusive public information advert for podcasting. If you haven't already switched off half way through then wait until the end for some hidden outtakes:-

• 10 – Lawrence Lewin Bowen
• 9 – Adam Curry
• 8 – Jim Royal
• 7 – Boris Johnson
• 6 – Jack Dee
• 5 – Noel Edmunds
• 4 – Lee Evans
• 3 - Frank Butcher
• 2 – Paul Merton
• 1 – Mr T

We need your feedback!
We have recently switched hosting, thanks to Sir Rowland Cutler from the DarkCompass podcast for helping us out with our new servers. During the update we have made some changes to the MP3 tags including some new album art, please let us know if we have got things right or wrong by leaving us some comments on our web site or emailing topofthepods@gmail.com. Once everyone is happy we will be shifting the entire back catalogue over to the new server with the latest tags and filename conventions.

TOTP - Top Ten Things Everyone Thinks They Could Do

Thanks to Al from Rhode Island, USA for this list. He sent an email to topofthepods@gmail.com and we just put it up on our web site www.topofthepods.com :-

• 10 – Write song lyrics
• 9 – Design a web site
• 8 – Write movie reviews
• 7 – Be a comedian
• 6 – Write comedy
• 5 – Invent the next hot selling item
• 4 – Work in sports
• 3 - Write Top Ten Lists
• 2 – Name anything
• 1 – Write a book

TOTP - Top Ten Financial Surprises

Rob from http://www.topofthepods.com/ is a right old skinflint. He hates parting with his hard earned green. He went bowling and hasn't stopped complaining about the rip-off since. He's got himself in such a tizz that he has put together a top ten list of financial surprises. Email us at topofthepods@gmail.com and tell if you think Rob is right to moan about the price of bowling...:-

• 10 – Going bowling
• 9 – Extended Warranties
• 8 – Holidays
• 7 – Bank fees
• 6 – Buying a house
• 5 – When electrical appliances go wrong
• 4 – Wine bar
• 3 - Plumbers
• 2 – Car repairs
• 1 – Vets bills