TOTP - Top Ten Moments In Life That Run In Slow Motion

Remember those points in your life when time stands still? We try to think of a few for our www.topofthepods.com web site. If you can think of any more lists then please email topofthepods@gmail.com with yours - and don't forget to put reasons for each item:-

• 10 – Waiting for someone to say yes
• 9 – Whenever my computer hangs
• 8 – Getting served at the Cock Inn Pub in Peterborough
• 7 – Use my DVD player
• 6 – When your garage phones you up to give you an estimate
• 5 – When you spit before you use the urinal
• 4 – Lending my mobile phone to someone
• 3 - Every time I go into a wine bar and order a round of drinks
• 2 – Wandering into a restaurant when you are hungry and finding a massive queue
• 1 – Every time I use a cash machine

TOTP - Top Ten Annoying Things That Old People Do

Chris Kent, what a great guy. He wrote a list, emailed it to topofthepods@gmail.com, then we only went and made one of those newfangled podcast thingies out of for www.topofthepods.com:-

• 10 – Wear too few clothes when on the beach
• 9 – Fart uncontrollably
• 8 – Keep telling you about the past when your not interested
• 7 – Repeatedly ask stupid questions
• 6 – Do stupid things with their computer and then expect you to fix it
• 5 – Take out their false teeth and show them to you
• 4 – Drive too slowly
• 3 - Wear formal clothes when they don't have to work
• 2 – Lose their glasses when you want them to read something
• 1 – Wear too few clothes when on the beach

Are you old* and annoying? Then why not leave your age on our comments board alongside an example of something annoying you do. Prizes go to the oldest and most annoying thing**.

* - Above 40
** - The best thing is we can promise you a prize and because you are so old you'll forget all about.

TOTP - Top Ten Alternate Swear Words

We don't actually swear on this show - it is family friendly so don't worry! What a great list from Ben who sent this list to topofthepods@gmail.com in some crazy Mac-only format, fortunatly Rob managed to call upon the vast library of PC software to read Bens list. If you want to help us out on www.topofthepods.com then why not subscribe using iTunes? Subscribing using iTunes means that Apple will rank us higher in their top 100 podcasts, which gives us a little more exposure for those who haven't heard of our show before:-

• 10 – Tool
• 9 – Dipstick
• 8 – Jeepers
• 7 – Fiddlesticks
• 6 – Shoot
• 5 – Berk
• 4 – Typical
• 3 - Eejit
• 2 – Fudge
• 1 – Smeg

Announcement

Due to the nature of our show we have decided it would inappropriate to record a podcast tonight. Thanks to everyone for all the emails of concern that we have been getting today about the attack on London, we are both fine.

Our thoughts are with the people who have lost family and friends in the attack, and we would like to thank our emergency services for their hard work today.

Jon and Rob

TOTP - Top Ten Apple Products

Mark 'LeShark' Nicholson (which is French for 'The Shark') emailed topofthepods@gmail.com with his favourite ten Apple products. Send us your list to the same address and we'll do you a show on www.topofthepods.com :-

• 10 – iSight
• 9 – Bluetooth wireless keyboard / mouse
• 8 – Apple Newton
• 7 – eMac / iMac
• 6 – OS X Tiger
• 5 – iPod Mini
• 4 – AirPort Express Base Station
• 3 - Power Mac
• 2 – Mac Mini
• 1 – Original iPod

TOTP - Top Ten Search Engine Tips

We like to be geeky once in a while as we can't always think of anything funny to say. Today Rob tries teaching everyone a thing or two about getting listed by search engines. You might want to skip todays www.topofthepods.com if you are not a computer nerd, but if you write a blog this might help you get noticed:-

• 10 – Know your keywords
• 9 – Make sure your web site is search engine friendly
• 8 – Don’t expect search engines can read images
• 7 – Avoid using a flash / pdf only site
• 6 – Avoid those people that sell "Submit to 10,000 search engines", and dynamic sites sometimes get ignored
• 5 – Remember Google ranks by links coming in
• 4 – Make your keywords prominent and relevant
• 3 - Submit properly
• 2 – Monitor and react
• 1 – Update your content

Tell us what you think by emailing topofthepods@gmail.com, we've got another computer one for tommorow to really scare everyone who was expecting some more food lists away. If you want to try some of our older shows then why not go back to our archives for April, May, June and July - you'll be able to download our entire back catalogue - we have almost 70 shows for your listening pleasure.

TOTP - Top Ten Reasons Why I Is Proud To Be An American

One word. Sorry. Not that Rob isn't bitter about the American company Apple messing up on iTunes, or the American web site Podcast Alley crashing in Top of the Pods moment of number 4 glory, or the American that stole Robs last decent girlfriend. But it is the Forth of July, and we were going to do a 'Top Ten Misconceptions About Americans'. It seemed like a better idea to ask our resident token Americans Hank and Eugene to present the same list of why they are proud of their countries achievements:-

• 10 – We have the best in TV
• 9 – We roll in piles of money
• 8 – We invented the English language
• 7 – We make the best tourists
• 6 – We eat loads
• 5 – We dominate the Podcast Alley charts
• 4 – We brought the world Sir David Hasselhoff
• 3 - We drink, wash and swim in unlimited supplies of oil and gasoline
• 2 – We get to invade other peoples countries and tell them how to run it
• 1 – We have the best girls

Express your opinions, thoughts and death threats to topofthepods@gmail.com, we'll read out the best ones on our www.topofthepods.com podcast.

TOTP - Top Ten Comedy Double Acts

Its Robs favourite comedy double acts on www.topofthepods.com. Sorry to the rest of the world for a high volume of UK based comedian references, but we do spawn some classic shows (unlike the US). Take 'The Office' for example - oh sorry, the US did - then look what happened. Email abuse to topofthepods@gmail.com. :-

• 10 – Cannon and Ball
• 9 – Little and Large
• 8 - The Mighty Boosh
• 7 – Adam and Joe
• 6 – Taggart and Rosewood
• 5 – Smith and Jones
• 4 – Baddiel and Skinner
• 3 - Vic and Bob
• 2 – Barry and Paul Chuckle
• 1 – Morecambe and Wise

TOTP - Top Ten Blokes To Go Down The Pub With

Paul from www.podcastpaul.com has sent us a list to topofthepods@gmail.com with his ten ideal men that he'd like to go drinking on a night out with. We just had to read this list out on www.topofthepods.com. Thanks by the way to everyone that helped us reach number 4 yesterday on www.podcastalley.com, we think this is both because of Mark from the Tartan Podcast asking his vast audience to vote for us, and also because America was fast asleep at the time:-

• 10 – Rod Hull
• 9 – Chris Evans
• 8 – David Beckham
• 7 – Robbie Williams
• 6 – George Best
• 5 – Frank Bruno
• 4 – Mr T
• 3 - Jamie Oliver
• 2 – Suggs from Madness
• 1 – Steven Hawkins

TOTP - Top Ten Things To Do To Drunk People

Now we here at the work and family safe www.topofthepods.com don't usually take advantage of people, unless they are too drunk to remember. So this weekend if you get the opportunity here is a list of ten things to do to your wasted chums:-

• 10 – Mobile phone language settings
• 9 – Face painting
• 8 – Arrange a date via text message
• 7 – Clothes tampering
• 6 – Hand in hot water
• 5 – Hair removal
• 4 – Clock and time tampering
• 3 - Dump them on doorsteps
• 2 – Credit card fraud
• 1 – Tattoos

We also had a special guest appearance from two special actors from the classic 1980's film Breakdance telling you to download iPodder and subscribe to the Top of the Pods feed. Remember to keep your own listener lists flooding in to topofthepods@gmail.com. Oh, then there is the small matter of going to this web site and entering your email address in as we were number 7 at one point today...

http://www.podcastalley.com/one_vote2.php?pod_id=2992

TOTP - Top Ten Star Wars Characters From Episodes 1 to 3

Adam from Australia has emailed topofthepods@gmail.com with his list of the best Star Wars Characters From Episodes 1 to 3, so we proudly read them out on www.topofthepods.com :-

• 10 - Jabba the Hutt
• 9 - Jango Fett
• 8 - Mace Windu
• 7 - R2D2
• 6 - Nute Gunray
• 5 - Anakin Skywalker
• 4 - Emperor/Darth Sidious
• 3 - Obi Wan Kenobi
• 2 - Darth Maul
• 1 - Yoda

TOTP - Top Ten People Rob Wont Miss When They Go

Rob from http://www.topofthepods.com/ was in such a bad mood today that he started compiling hate lists, if you want to agree or disagree then email topofthepods@gmail.com:-

• 10 – Micheal Carrol
• 9 – Gary Glitter
• 8 – Jimmy Carr
• 7 – Geoffrey Archer
• 6 – All Ex-Big Brother Contestants
• 5 – Liza Minelli
• 4 – That Eamon Bloke
• 3 - J-Lo
• 2 – Cast of Friends
• 1 – The Crazy Frog

TOTP - Top Ten Ways To Cope In Hot Weather

In all this warm weather we are having recently Rob took it upon himself to knock out a www.topofthepods.com Top Ten list for keeping cool:-

• 10 – Go outdoors
• 9 – Hold a BBQ
• 8 – Keep the fridge stocked with ice creams and lollipops
• 7 – Have lots of showers
• 6 – Cotton, t-shirts, light colours, sandals
• 5 – Spray yourself in cold water
• 4 – Home made air conditioner
• 3 - Turn off electrical stuff
• 2 – Swimming
• 1 – Drink everything in sight

Please keep those emails coming in to topofthepods@gmail.com and don't forget we have 2 days left to get into the Top 50 at Podcast Alley, so please vote here - today we are 69 in the charts!

TOTP - Top Ten Office Pranks

We all like to have a little fun when we work. Rob has compiled his Top Ten list of office pranks:-

• 10 – Play hide and seek with other peoples stuff
• 9 – Upside down desk
• 8 – Swapping desk draws
• 7 – Fill draws up with lots of small things
• 6 – Computer peripheral swapping
• 5 – Desktop wallpaper screengrab
• 4 – Wrapping possessions - here is the Tin Foil desk website
• 3 - Swap keys on a keyboard
• 2 – Telephone highlighter mouthpeice
• 1 – Open, modify and reseal parcels

Here is the video which goes along with the number one of the Top Ten Office Pranks (check out the podcast mp3 first though), and thanks to Terry W for helping film this:-

Top_of_the_Pods_Bike_Prank.wmv

TOTP - Top Ten Scottish Misconceptions

Mark from the Tartan Podcast has not only been trying to get us into a decent position in Podcast Alley, but busy writing lists. He was so fed up with peoples misconceptions about those wonderful Scottish people that he wrote the a list of them for us here at www.topofthepods.com:-

• 10 – They are all alcoholics
• 9 – They all eat haggis
• 8 – They are all mean
• 7 – They all wear kilts
• 6 – They all wear blue face paint running around fields yelling 'freedom'
• 5 – That Scotland is a 3rd world country
• 4 – That English isn't Scotlands first language
• 3 - That Scotland is part of England
• 2 – That The Proclaimers represent the best of Scottish music
• 1 – That it rains a lot

Mark goes on to explain in depth in his email to topofthepods@gmail.com about rain, this explanation is probably best kept to the shownotes:

"...a large piece of Scotland is made up of the ruggedly scenic Highlands, where annual rainfall exceeds 1600mm (63 inches). In comparison, a huge proportion of Scotland, some 3730 square miles, has an annual rainfall of less than 800mm (31 inches). Moreover, many districts in the north and east of the country have a total rainfall of less that 250mm (10 inches) on average over the four Summer months, which is comparable with the drier parts of England."

TOTP - Top Ten Non Human Actors

Humans ain't perfect, especially when it comes to acting (there is a list with J-Los name all over it somewhere). Sometimes its time to step to one side and let something else do the acting. Rob brings his list of the www.topofthepods.com ten non human actors. Remember to keep your lists, comments, audio comments, podcast promos and sponsorship offers flooding into topofthepods@gmail.com:-

• 10 – Kitt
• 9 – ET
• 8 – Herbie
• 7 – Yoda
• 6 – The woman off Terminator 3
• 5 – HAL
• 4 – Gollum
• 3 - The Totty Cylon
• 2 – Mr Jinx
• 1 – Grace Jones

TOTP - Top Ten Office Time Wasting Techniques

Sorry to Giles from Australia who emailed us at topofthepods@gmail.com a while ago, we have been so disorganised that we haven't had a chance to present his list of Top Ten Office Time Wasting Techniques on www.topofthepods.com. Due to the popularity of our iPodder advert we have been busy writing another script to appeal to our American audience :-

• 10 – Chatting about last nights TV
• 9 – Tiding desk
• 8 – Phone call to mates
• 7 – Football results discussion
• 6 – Writing TOTP Top Tens
• 5 – Toilet (with newspaper)
• 4 – Emailing
• 3 - The walkabout
• 2 – Coffee/tea procurement
• 1 – Internet browsing

TOTP - Top Ten Cult Shows

Its listener list today, not only does Rowley from Dark Compass provide us with server space, but also writes excellent show material. He just wrote them, sent them in to topofthepods@gmail.com, then we posted them here on www.topofthepods.com - here are the Top Ten Cult Shows:-

• 10 – The X-Files
• 9 – Babylon 5
• 8 – The Prisoner
• 7 – The Avengers
• 6 – Thunderbirds
• 5 – Blake's Seven
• 4 – Stargate SG-1 and Stargate Atlantis
• 3 - Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel
• 2 – Star Trek
• 1 – Doctor Who

TOTP - Top Ten Alternate Doctor Who Actors

With Christopher Eccleston leaving the role of Doctor Who we compiled a Top Ten list of true Englishmen who we thought would make a great replacement. Stay tuned at the end of todays show on www.topofthepods.com, we have produced an exclusive public information advert for podcasting. If you haven't already switched off half way through then wait until the end for some hidden outtakes:-

• 10 – Lawrence Lewin Bowen
• 9 – Adam Curry
• 8 – Jim Royal
• 7 – Boris Johnson
• 6 – Jack Dee
• 5 – Noel Edmunds
• 4 – Lee Evans
• 3 - Frank Butcher
• 2 – Paul Merton
• 1 – Mr T

We need your feedback!
We have recently switched hosting, thanks to Sir Rowland Cutler from the DarkCompass podcast for helping us out with our new servers. During the update we have made some changes to the MP3 tags including some new album art, please let us know if we have got things right or wrong by leaving us some comments on our web site or emailing topofthepods@gmail.com. Once everyone is happy we will be shifting the entire back catalogue over to the new server with the latest tags and filename conventions.

TOTP - Top Ten Things Everyone Thinks They Could Do

Thanks to Al from Rhode Island, USA for this list. He sent an email to topofthepods@gmail.com and we just put it up on our web site www.topofthepods.com :-

• 10 – Write song lyrics
• 9 – Design a web site
• 8 – Write movie reviews
• 7 – Be a comedian
• 6 – Write comedy
• 5 – Invent the next hot selling item
• 4 – Work in sports
• 3 - Write Top Ten Lists
• 2 – Name anything
• 1 – Write a book

TOTP - Top Ten Financial Surprises

Rob from http://www.topofthepods.com/ is a right old skinflint. He hates parting with his hard earned green. He went bowling and hasn't stopped complaining about the rip-off since. He's got himself in such a tizz that he has put together a top ten list of financial surprises. Email us at topofthepods@gmail.com and tell if you think Rob is right to moan about the price of bowling...:-

• 10 – Going bowling
• 9 – Extended Warranties
• 8 – Holidays
• 7 – Bank fees
• 6 – Buying a house
• 5 – When electrical appliances go wrong
• 4 – Wine bar
• 3 - Plumbers
• 2 – Car repairs
• 1 – Vets bills

TOTP - Jon's Top Ten Crisp Flavo(u)rs

Jonathan from http://www.topofthepods.com/ likes crisps and eats far too many of them - so much so that he has had to employ a personal trainer to come round and kick his fat crispy ass into shape before he goes on his holiday. So to celebrate his love of crisps, Jon decided to list his top ten favourites... Email us at topofthepods@gmail.com and tell us which flavours you like best:-

• 10 – Walkers Beef & Onion
  Is this the brummies fave crisp? I heard it was once on a comedy routine.
• 9 – Walkers Salt & Vineger
  Demoted. Not what they used to be.
• 8 – American QuarterBacks
  New entry due to being reminded of their existance during conversation about top ten crisp flavours.
• 7 – Tangy Toms
  At 10p a bag they were a bargain - do they still exist?
• 6 – Scampi Fries
  Problem: they stink
• 5 – Walkers Roast Chicken
• 4 – Flamin' Hot Monster Munch
• 3 - Roast Beef Monster Munch
  
• 2 – Salt & Vinegar twists
  Not garage ones - they are always rubbish
• 1 – M&S Prawn Cocktail shells
  Waitrose also do them, but pipped by M&S
  Why did Sainsbury stop doing them?

TOTP - Top Ten Reasons To Use Skype

Jonathan and Rob from http://www.topofthepods.com/ like are crazy about Skype. So crazy in fact that Rob came up with ten whole reasons why you lot should use Skype too. Email us at topofthepods@gmail.com and tell us if you are crazy about skype too. Or if you like, you could skype us - topofthepods is our ID:-

• 10 – Skype Chat
• 9 – Great studio integration
• 8 – Skype In
• 7 – You can use a traditional style phone with it
• 6 – Runs on a Pocket PC
• 5 – Voicemail
• 4 – Skype Out
• 3 - Portablility
• 2 – Ability to call a complete stranger (Skype Me)
• 1 – It's Free

TOTP - Top Ten Cool Brands

Jonathan from http://www.topofthepods.com/ likes his brands. Some might say he's a marketeers dream. Others might say he likes to waste money on overpriced crap. Well, Jon came up with some interesting if not lazy items in his top ten cool brands. The phrase scraping the barrel does come to mind on some of his choices. And where do you think Apple came in his top ten? Email us at topofthepods@gmail.com and tell us what you favourite brands are - hopefully they wont include washing machine makers:-

• 10 - Ferrari
• 9 - MTV
• 8 - Meile (????)
• 7 - BBC
• 6 - Carlsburg
• 5 - Sony
• 4 - Adobe
• 3 - Smart
• 2 - Apple
• 1 - Howies

TOTP - Top Ten Things Rob Can't Live Without

Here at http://www.topofthepods.com/ we like our stuff. We like the little things that make our little lives that little bit more interesting. Some of these things we just can't live without and with this in mind Rob decided to put pen to paper and mouth to mic and let us in on a few little secrets - His top ten list of things he just can't give up. Email us at topofthepods@gmail.com and tell us how many of these things you can't live without. There may be a few you agree with, but there are probably a few you are thinking are a little odd. Sorry about that. That's just Rob:-

• 10 - Oscilating Fan
• 9 - Ketchup
• 8 - Podcasting
• 7 - Music
• 6 - Cheese (?)
• 5 - Foreign Travel
• 4 - Nice Cup Of Tea and Some Sugar
• 3 - Cleaning Teeth
• 2 - Pocket PC
• 1 - The Internet

TOTP - Top Ten Things you shouldn't have on your car

Here at www.topofthepods.com we get very irritated by some car drivers. Rob has been spending too many hours behind the wheel in traffic jams getting upset by other drivers stupid bits attached to their stupid cars. Email us at topofthepods@gmail.com and tell us how many of these you are guilty of:-

• 10 – Baby on board notice
• 9 – Nodding dogs
• 8 – Travel blankets
• 7 – Stupid blue lights
• 6 – Beaded seat cover
• 5 – Extra bodywork
• 4 – Alloys
• 3 - Bad paint jobs
• 2 – Stickers saying Chas and Dave
• 1 – Anything hanging from the mirror

TOTP - Top Ten Tips For Dealing With Bad Customer Service

Its the www.topofthepods.com show about standing up for yourself as a consumer, try a few of these for tips when dealing with complaining. By the way, if you want to complain about the state of this show email topofthepods@gmail.com :-

• 10 – Don't get personal
• 9 – Call up and hang up repeatedly to call centers
• 8 – Dont complain about food unless you can see the kitchen
• 7 – Keep a diary of events
• 6 – Don't dial any numbers during a telephone menu system
• 5 – Record your convesations
• 4 – Stern, polite, calm but loud
• 3 - Get full names and telephone extentions
• 2 – Dont pay
• 1 – Use a watchdog organisation

TOTP - Top Ten Brazillians

Felipe from Rio de Janeiro issued us a challenge at www.topofthepods.com, it was to find the Top Ten Brazillians. We did our best. If you can issue us with a challenge like Filipe did then send your emails to topofthepods@gmail.com.:-

• 10 – Nelson Picay
• 9 – Erton Senna
• 8 – Gizella
• 7 – Brazillians Haircuts
• 6 – Pele
• 5 – Barachello
• 4 – Nuts
• 3 - Renaldo
• 2 – Sorcatese
• 1 – Jesus on the Hill

Also worth reading : Brazilian Star Wars Review

TOTP - Top Ten War Movies

Its Jons www.topofthepods.com top ten war movies, and Rob has only seen half of them. Tell us if you've seen any of these by emailing topofthepods@gmail.com, don't forget to express your dismay that Dr Strangelove isn't even in the chart:-

• 10 – The Bridge on the River Kwai
• 9 – The Great Escape
• 8 – The Deerhunter
• 7 – Born on the Forth of July
• 6 – Platoon
• 5 – Zulu
• 4 – Full Metal Jacket
• 3 - Black Hawk Down
• 2 – Apocolpyse Now
• 1 – Saving Private Ryan

TOTP - Top Ten Failed Technologies

On www.topofthepods.com today Rob brings you his top ten list of failed technologies, email us at topofthepods@gmail.com if you still own any of these (and let Jon know who Dave Winer is) :-

• 10 – Betamax video
• 9 – Apple Newton
• 8 – Laserdisc
• 7 – Eight Track
• 6 – Personal transport
• 5 – Sega / Nintendo / Atari
• 4 – The Amstrad Emailer
• 3 - Java
• 2 – iPod Batteies
• 1 – Bluetooth

The BritPack - Probably the Best Podcasting in the UK

As proud members of Britcaster.com we were delighted to be offered a spot on the showcase podcast known as Britpack. After much timewasting and several attempts at different formats we sent over a couple of off the cuff performances talking about why you lot should listen to us. They chose one and slotted it in near the end of the cast. Don't skip any though as there's a whole host of offerings from some of the UK's best podcasters, so there's definately something for everyone. Enjoy. We did.

The BritPack - Volume One.

Contents:
Podcast Paul
Bitjobs for the Masses
A Minor Technicality
Dark Compass
Dissident Vox
Top of the Pods
A Brit Abroad
The Richard Vobes Radio Show

Thats it. You know the drill about emailing us at topofthepods@gmail.com, we'll play your stuff on http://www.topofthepods.com/ - no questions asked.

TOTP - Top Ten Horrible Foods

Don't eat whilst you listen to this, its Jons top ten list of horrible foods:-

• 10 – Liver
• 9 – Chicken Neck
• 8 – Sushi
• 7 – Hearts
• 6 – Insects
• 5 – Pig Trotters
• 4 - Shellfish
• 3 - Monkey Brains
• 2 – Sheeps Eyes
• 1 – Testicals

Yuk! Tell us if you've been ill listening to this by emailing topofthepods@gmail.com - we'll read out any emails we get on http://www.topofthepods.com/.

TOTP - Top Ten Signs That You Are A Geek

Please run through this checklist, we have both scored 6 out of 10 in Robs top ten signs that you are a geek:-

• 10 – Role playing games
• 9 – You run Linux, and boy does everyone else know it
• 8 – You wear sandals
• 7 – You know every blooper and trivia in films
• 6 – Been to sci-fi conventions
• 5 – Engadget not just in your favourites, but also in your RSS feed reader
• 4 – USB enabled everything
• 3 - You compile your own software
• 2 – Pinups are all scifi chicks
• 1 – You look like one

How did you score in this? Let us know by composing a message in Emacs, piping out the results to Sendmail to email topofthepods@gmail.com then pointing Lynx to www.topofthepods.com.

TOTP - Top Ten Hard Animals

Can Jon stop laughing for one minute? Well no as it happens. Like two childish schoolboys Jon and Rob mess about and somehow get around to presenting the Top Ten Hard Animals:-

• 10 – Pirhana
• 9 – Snake
• 8 – Killer bees
• 7 – Rhino
• 6 – Lion
• 5 – Killer Whale
• 4 – Scorpion
• 3 - Black Widow
• 2 – Crocodile
• 1 – Shark

Hey, why not head over to our page on Podcast Alley and click the Vote Now! link to help us climb up those charts and get us noticed? We only need your help for one month to get our site www.topofthepods.com into the public eye for a split second, then a few more people might listen to us. We hope. Also we need to know what you think of the show, are we getting the lists right? Email us at topofthepods@gmail.com or just leave some comments on the blog.

TOTP - Top Ten Ways To Blow A Million

Easy come, easy go, here are the top ten ways to spend one million pounds / dollars / smackers WITHOUT any assets at the end:-

• 10 – Blow it all on the lottery
• 9 – Buy the house / entire street next to Bernard Manning and donate to foreigners
• 8 – Rent a footballer
• 7 – Hire an A List Hollywood actor to come and clean
• 6 – Add all the Sky channels for life
• 5 – Casino
• 4 – Throw a party for tramps
• 3 - Ticket to the moon
• 2 – Put towards an animal hostal
• 1 – Good holiday

Thats it. You know the drill about emailing us at topofthepods@gmail.com, we'll play your stuff on www.topofthepods.com - no questions asked.

TOTP - Top Ten Things To Do On The Toilet

We've finally scraped the bottom of the barrel, here is the Top Ten Things To Do On The Toilet:-

• 10 – Read the newspaper
• 9 – Play with your Pocket PC
• 8 – Browse the Internet (on your Pocket PC)
• 7 – Phone a Friend
• 6 – Crossword
• 5 – Read the shampoo bottle
• 4 – Pick nose
• 3 - Check email (on your Pocket PC)
• 2 – Reading a novel
• 1 – Send a text message

Texting on the loo? Yuk. Tell us if this is normal to topofthepods@gmail.com and we'll read the results on www.topofthepods.com.

TOTP - Top Ten Ideal Flatmates

Ok. You've got a new flat and have to compile a list of potential tennants, dead or alive as your Top Ten Ideal Flatmate. You think this is crazy? Well Rob did it and made a show about it, here is his top ten:-

• 10 – Charlie Dimmock
• 9 – Maggie from How Clean is Your House
• 8 – Mickey Mouse
• 7 – Deliah Smith
• 6 – Noel Edmunds
• 5 – Jeremy Paxman
• 4 – Gandhi
• 3 - Handy Andy
• 2 – Frank Skinner
• 1 – Kylie

We also played our first audio comment from a listener during this show. Would you like to know how to get on? Its easy, just email topofthepods@gmail.com with an attached mp3 and check out our show on www.topofthepods.com. If you don't feel brave enough to record an mp3 then why not try just writing us a list instead?

TOTP - Top Ten Alcoholic Beverages

Thanks to Rowley from Darkcompass for writing this list, it is his Top Ten Alcoholic Beverages:-

• 10 – Champagne
• 9 – Scrumpy Cider
• 8 – Bass Bitter
• 7 – Glenmorangie Whiskey
• 6 – Sambuca
• 5 – Jack Daniels
• 4 – Gin and Tonic
• 3 - Vodka and Coke
• 2 – Tequila
• 1 – Carlsberg

Has anyone noticed that when people send us things we play them on www.topofthepods.com without question? It sounds like a great way to promote your podcast, website, product or service. So why not send us your list, comments, promo clip or mp3 audio comments to topofthepods@gmail.com?

TOTP - Top Ten Things I Wanted To Be When I Grew Up

Dreams and aspirations of great things when we were children. Where did we go wrong? Here is the top ten list of things Rob wanted to be when he grew up:-

• 10 - Fireman
• 9 - Rock Star
• 8 - Millionairre
• 7 - Beer Tester
• 6 - Racing Driver
• 5 - Married to Katherine Zeta Jones
• 4 - Pilot
• 3 - In the A-Team
• 2 - Cowboy
• 1 - Astronaught

Listeners - did any of you ever achieve any of these? If you've become an astronaught, millionairee, beer tester or Micheal Douglas we'd love to hear from you. Especially if you are a millionairre. Send your emails to topofthepods@gmail.com and don't forget to mark in the subject line "Hey, I always wanted to be an XXX and look at me now!". We look forward to hearing from you and reading out your emails on http://www.topofthepods.com/.

TOTP - Top Ten Star Wars People

As if Star Wars hasn't already got all the media limelight a loyal listener has sent in his list of the top ten star wars stars:-

• 10 – Princess Leia
• 9 – Obi Wan Kenobi
• 8 – Grand Master Tarquin (and the furious five?)
• 7 – Chewbacca
• 6 – Admiral Akbar
• 5 – Darth Vader
• 4 – Lando Parisian
• 3 - Storm Trooper(s)
• 2 – Hands Solo
• 1 – Bubba Feet

Star Wars fans - if you know who on earth Grandma Tarkin is (or how to even spell his / her name) please drop us an email to topofthepods@gmail.com explaining, and we'll give you a special mention on the www.topofthepods.com podcast.

TOTP - Top Ten Essential Podcasting Equipment

We couldn't resist it any longer, like every other podcaster we just had to go and talk about our podcasting equipment. So for those building up a home studio and wanting to podcast here is the top ten list of kit for the shopping list in order of importance, and we have also provided audio examples of some of the items in use:-

• 10 – Mic Stand (when we did a demo of stomping on the floor our mic stands did such a good job of filtering out the rumble that nothing came out in this podcast!)
• 9 – Decent cables and an audio patch bay
• 8 – Effects units
• 7 – Audio playback device such as a minidisc, mp3 player or turntables
• 6 – Limiter (this comes into play every time Jon laughs)
• 5 – Noise Gate (try one of these if you have a loud computer fan)
• 4 – Mixing desk (we recommend more than 2 outputs)
• 3 - Compressor
• 2 – A computer that isn't running anything other than your audio recording software.
• 1 – A Mic - look for a decent 48 volt phantom powered condenser mic. We both use the incredible value MXL 990's, which come with a shock cradle and carry case.

When looking for any studio kit try buying it in rack mountable form, buying a £30 rack keeps everything tidy and easily accessible.

For a podcast devoted to audio production visit The Point presented by the audio engineer for IT Conversations Paul Figgiani. Paul also maintains an excellent web site called Podcast Rigs, and has put together some entry, basic and pro example sytems. We also recommend writing your own top ten list, emailing it to topofthepods@gmail.com and then keeping a watchful eye on www.topofthepods.com.

By the way, why don't you vote for us over at podcast alley - we just wanna make it in to the top ten and we'll have done our job (we are a top ten show after all). Thanks if you voted and get your ass over there if you haven't!!

TOTP - Top Ten Inventions

Boy oh boy, its Jons Top Ten list of Inventions. Don't expect inventions like the wheel, the microchip, penicillin or the internal combustion engine. Remember we are talking about Jons' list here, the individual who thinks a pair of smelly old sandals are the nineth crowning achievement known to mankind:-

• 10 – Gortex
• 9 – Sandals
• 8 – International Flight
• 7 – Large Screen TVs
• 6 – Fridges with Ice Making Facilities
• 5 – Video Games
• 4 – Scarylectrics
• 3 - Water Pistol
• 2 – The Internet
• 1 – Apple Computer

Here is the drill. You email your very own top ten list of anything at all to topofthepods@gmail.com, we read them out and post them on our website at www.topofthepods.com. Simple huh?

TOTP - Top Ten Puddings

We love puddings, or desserts as our American cousins refer to them. We love them so much that we even rank them, here is Robs top ten list:-

• 10 – Chocolate Cake
• 9 – Apple Crumble and Custard
• 8 – Vienetta
• 7 – Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream
• 6 – Butterscotch Angel Delight
• 5 – Strawberry Angel Delight
• 4 – Jam Roly Poly
• 3 - Apple Pie and squirty cream
• 2 – Cheesecake
• 1 – Treacle Tart and Custard

Now for those non British types who are curious to know about some of these quality desserts (such as listeners who have subscribed to www.britcaster.com) we recommend that you listen and learn. If you feel like you have a list for us then please email topofthepods@gmail.com.

TOTP - Top Ten Cartoons

Rob was going to do his Top Ten Cartoons tommorow, but Jon spring his Top Ten Cartoons on the audience today:-

• 10 – South Park
• 9 – Whacky Races
• 8 – Ren and Stimpy
• 7 – Looney Tunes
• 6 – Dangermouse
• 5 – Bttle of the Planets
• 4 – Beavis and Butthead
• 3 - King of the Hill
• 2 – Tom and Jerry
• 1 – The Simpsons

Make sure when you've listened to the show you head over to www.topofthepods.com and leave us your comments. Also we have issued a challenge to bring us a listeners top ten list of Simpsons charecters, we'll broadcast the first email we receive to topofthepods@gmail.com.

TOTP - Top Ten 80s Electronic Artists

Its a listener list day today, this time its the turn of the 80's Electro Artists to battle it out for the coverted number one slot:-

• 10 – Human League
• 9 – Yazoo
• 8 – Jimmy Summerville
• 7 – Pet Shop Boys
• 6 – New Order
• 5 – Soft Cell
• 4 – Erasure
• 3 - Depeche Mode
• 2 – Electronic
• 1 – Visage

We love listener lists, so if you have one that you'd like us to present to the rest of the world then please email topofthepods@gmail.com with your top ten. Its harder than you think to find ten things with something in common.

TOTP - Top Ten Transportation

Jon presents his top ten list of transportation and suprises everyone by not mentioning heavy goods vehicles:-

• 10 – Landrover
• 9 – Rollerblades
• 8 – Surfboards
• 7 – Skateboards
• 6 – Mountain Bikes
• 5 – Space Shuttle
• 4 – Parachute
• 3 - Microlight
• 2 – Paraglider
• 1 – Motorbike

Plea for help! Send your emails with your top ten lists to topofthepods@gmail.com as we love hearing your opinions of good and bad things. Don't forget to tell your friends about the show at www.topofthepods.com - by now we have a vast library of top ten lists to cater for all tastes so there is something for everyone.

TOTP - Top Ten Blue Peter Presenters

Remember Blue Peter, the great kids TV show we all grew up wit?. We've had decades of presenters and here are Robs favourites:-

• 10 – Sarah Green
• 9 – Anthea Turner
• 8 – Richard Bacon
• 7 – Janet Ellis
• 6 – Mark Curry
• 5 – Karen Keeting
• 4 – Peter Duncan
• 3 - John Leslie
• 2 – John Noakes
• 1 – Peter Pervis

TOTP - Top Ten Sandwiches

We introduce the first of our food podcasts to make you feel hungry, its one of our listeners again and his great taste in sandwiches:-

• 10 – Roast Beef and Horse radish
• 9 – Peanut Butter and jam
• 8 – Haslet
• 7 – Walkers Salt & Vinegar Crisps
• 6 – Herta Frankfurters/Regular Sausages
• 5 – Steak, ciabata, fries
• 4 – Chicken, Mayo and Sweetcorn
• 3 - Cheese and Pickle
• 2 – Fishfingers and Tomato Ketchup
• 1 – Chip Butty

If you are a listener and have a list then please email us at topofthepods@gmail.com with your contributions.