TOTP - Top Ten Mac Utilities

Patrice originally recorded his Top Ten of Mac software in Swiss-German, then sent the list to topofthepods@gmail.com - we went away and recorded it in English for our web site at www.topofthepods.com. If you own a PC or have a life then this show will probably won't make any sense, but we did manage to slip in a Jew News for the broader audiences.

• 10 – MacSword - http://www.macsword.com/
• 9 – Audio Hijack Pro - http://www.rogueamoeba.com/audiohijackpro/
• 8 – Cyberduck - http://cyberduck.ch/
• 7 – VLC - http://www.videolan.org/vlc/
• 6 – NeoOffice/J - http://www.neooffice.org/
• 5 – Adium - http://www.adiumx.com/
• 4 – NetNewsWire - http://ranchero.com/netnewswire/
• 3 - SubEthaEdit - http://www.codingmonkeys.de/subethaedit/
• 2 – TextMate - http://macromates.com/
• 1 – Quicksilver - http://quicksilver.blacktree.com/

TOTP - Top Ten Girls With Big Bums

Our faces dropped when we got this email in the topofthepods@gmail.com inbox from Rowley. When Rowley isn't working on The DarkCompass Podcast (www.darkcompass.com) it seems that he is thinking about ladies with big bums - 10 of them to be precise. Now in the UK the word 'bum' means 'bottom' or 'booty', we hope that you won't confuse this list with the American for 'bum' which means 'tramp', 'hobo' or 'alcoholic'. After all, what would Jennifer Lopez be doing with a big alcoholic tramp, apart from making the sequel to Gigli? :-

• 10 – Charlotte Church
• 9 – Carrie-Anne Moss
• 8 – Jennifer Lopez
• 7 – Jordan
• 6 – Angelina Jolie
• 5 – Denise Van Outen
• 4 – Felicity Kendal
• 3 - Carmen Electra
• 2 – Pamela Anderson
• 1 – Kylie

It is also sketch day today and we thought that not enough Monks living in monasteries suffering with Tourettes Syndrome knew how to subscribe to Top of the Pods using iTunes. Our beeper box is already on its last legs whenever Jon opens his mouth, but the thing was ready to blow up by the time this show was over. The show is still family friendly, but for those woth extra sensitive ears that might be listening you might want to preview things first - with talk of ladies behinds, questions might be asked.

By the way, we would love to hear from more people from Peterborough who saw the article in the Peterborough Evening Telegraph about us. So far it seems we washed especially just for three extra subscribers from our local area, surely there are more of you out there with computers?

Tech Tags: Top+Of+The+Pods Top+10 Top+Ten Top+10+list Top+Ten+lists topofthepods Bums Bum Arse Bottom Charlotte+Church Carrie+Anne+Moss Jennifer+Lopez Jordan Angelina+Jolie Denise+Van+Outen Felicity+Kendal Carmen+Electra Pamela+Anderson Kylie Tourettes+Syndrome Tourettes Monks Monk Peterborough

TOTP - Top Ten Canadian Misconceptions

Ed from Vancouver sent his list to topofthepods@gmail.com - its his list of the top ten misconceptions about Canada. But hey, don't just leave it to poor Ed to come up with lists - we want you to send us some too, and don't forget to include your reasons why:-

• 10 – There are no famous canadians
• 9 – The capital of canada is Toronto
• 8 – Canadians are boring pacifists with no opinion whatsoever
• 7 – All Canadians are lumberjacks
• 6 – Canadians are American
• 5 – Canada is bordering the USA
• 4 – All the policemen in Canada wear red jackets and walk like John Cleese
• 3 - The Main Export of the province of British Columbia is Lumber
• 2 – All canadians live in igloos and go ice fishing
• 1 – Canadian culture is based primarily around Celine Dion

We are going to be knocking up some new jingles soon, if anyone would like to help us out by recording an MP3 saying 'Hi, this is x from y and whenever I'm not z'ing I'm listening to Top of the Pods'. Replace x with your name, y with your location or podcast name, and z with whatever it is that you do in your spare time.

For example 'Hi, this is Mark from The Tartan Podcast and whenever I'm not getting tanked up and locking my poor wife in the car I'm listening to Top of the Pods.' or 'Hi, this is Richard Vobes from the Richard Vobes Radio Show and whenever Right Said Fred aren't touring I'm listening to Top of the Pods'. Why not impersonate your favourite podcaster for us? Or just use your imagination - topofthepods@gmail.com - suprise us.

TOTP - Top Ten Bad TV Sports To Watch

Podcast Paul from www.podcastpaul.com sent us his list of 'Top Ten Crap Bad TV Sports To Watch' to topofthepods@gmail.com. We had to clean up the title of his list slightly to keep our show family friendly, but the rest is safe:-

• 10 – Bowling
• 9 – Curling
• 8 – Golf
• 7 – Grand Prix
• 6 – Volleyball
• 5 – American Football
• 4 – Skiing
• 3 - Snooker
• 2 – Ice Skating
• 1 – Synchronised Swimming

We are both going to have the weekend off again, so either download some of our past shows from www.topofthepods.com to catch up with, or just head over to www.britcaster.com for some more UK podcasts. Have a good weekend and stay subscribed using iTunes or using the Top of the Pods feed in iPodder - we'll be back on Monday!

If you are really bored and don't have anything to do then why not vote for us at Podcast Alley? If a family member offers you free Sunday lunch in return for fixing their computer this weekend then why not vote for us at Podcast Alley on their computer too? If you are passing the public library or internet cafe later on then why not vote for us at Podcast Alley? We think you get the idea.

TOTP - Top Ten Peterborough Celebrities

To mark our appearance in the Peterborough Evening Telegraph article about podcasting today we thought that we would record a special show. It's all about famous people from Peterborough, please excuse our total lack of research - put it down to the shock of seeing our mugshots in print. If you've read the article in the ET or you are from the Peterborough area then please email us at topofthepods@gmail.com or leave a message on the www.topofthepods.com comments board and say hi:-

• 10 – Cat Stevens
• 9 – Sarah Baxendale
• 8 – David Seaman
• 7 – Keith from the Prodigy
• 6 – Ruth Maddock
• 5 – Jimmy Saville
• 4 – Geoff Capes
• 3 - Andy Bell
• 2 – Ernie Wise
• 1 – Nobby the Tramp

If you are new to podcasting then here are a few quick tips to help you get started. The main thing you will need is some software to subscribe to our show and automatically get every mp3 downloaded to your computer - you can click this link to install iTunes and subscribe to our show for free. iTunes also includes a large directory of podcasts for you to subscribe to - check out their Top 100 for the most popular ones.

If you would like to hear other podcasts from the UK then head over to www.britcaster.com which is home to a group of podcasters from Britain with a broad range of shows. For the largest collection of podcasts we recommend going to www.podcastalley.com - remember some of them are going to be a little 'different'.

Please help put Peterborough on the map in the podcast charts by voting for Top of the Pods on Podcast Alley by clicking this link.

TOTP - Top Ten Strangest Gimmicks Of All Time

You write them, we'll debate them on http://www.topofthepods.com/. This time Ed from Vancouver has emailed topofthepods@gmail.com with his list of the strangest gimmicks of all time:-

• 10 – Doc Marten Shoes
• 9 – Tight Leather Trousers
• 8 – Afros (here is that picture of BB5 Science)
• 7 – Tamigotchis
• 6 – Kiss Related Merchandise
• 5 – Trading Cards
• 4 – Tongue Rings
• 3 - Star Trek / Wars Merchandise
• 2 – Crazy Frog
• 1 – Mullets

TOTP - Top Ten Things To Do When You Are Dead

Very deep show today - Alexandre Van de Sande, who we at www.topofthepods.com have been neglecting recently emailed topofthepods@gmail.com with his things to do when he is dead:-

• 10 – Where were my things?
• 9 – See a small documentary about my ancestors
• 8 – Meet my ancestors
• 7 – Have a third person small explanation of somethings in my life
• 6 – Take a peep in the future
• 5 – See the dinousaurs
• 4 – Understand how the universe actually the works
• 3 - Back to earth to do some ghostly things
• 2 – Let me know how I did (Al couldn't think of a number two)
• 1 – What happens to those who get it wrong

Sorry about the sound quality on this show, its been really hot recently and we needed to have the fan on in the background.

TOTP - Top Ten Scousers

If you are not from the UK you won't know that a scouser is someone is from Liverpool, here is a good definition from scouser.com. That was a list from Geoff who sent us an email to topofthepods@gmail.com, why don't you do the same? We are looking for your Top Ten lists with reasons to record for our www.topofthepods.com show - go on - make us smile:-

• 10 – Halle Berry
• 9 – Liverpool Football Club
• 8 – Wayne Rooney
• 7 – Cheri Blair
• 6 – Mike Myers
• 5 – Craig Charles
• 4 – Ken Dodd
• 3 - Cilla Black
• 2 – Jimmy Tarbuck
• 1 – The Beatles (photo of The Cavern aka The Sewer)

Getting quite a few emails asking about our studio - we'll create a web page with full details of the kit as soon as possible. In the mean time listen to our show - http://topofthepods.blogspot.com/2005/05/totp-top-ten-essential-podcasting.html - it includes examples of us using our kit.

TOTP - Top Ten Things Every Drunkard Should Do

Not that either of us drink that much, but if you're a total alcoholic then why not test yourself with this list taken from www.moderndrunkardmagazine.com. We here at www.topofthepods.com didn't score too highly in these list of things that every drunkard should do. Email us at topofthepods@gmail.com and let us know if you have ever done any of these or worse in a drunken haze. Its not big, and its not clever - so when you do email us just make sure that you sound very sorry for what you have done:-

• 10 – Fight a good fight
• 9 – Buy, build or steal a home bar
• 8 – Walk up to an attractive stranger way out of your league and buy him or her a drink.
• 7 – Get 86’d from a bar (can anyone explain what this means?)
• 6 – Buy a crowded bar a round
• 5 – Get drunk on the grave of your hero
• 4 – Spend a night in the drunk tank
• 3 - Dance like a fool in front of a large hooting crowd
• 2 – Go on a bender
• 1 – Open and close a bar

Why not listen to a true expert who we know has scored ten out of ten in this list of things every drunkard should do? Check out Mark at the Tartan Podcast - we figure if we keep him sweet with lots of traffic to his site he won't sue us.

TOTP - Top Ten Things Men Will Never Do

Too tired to write anything clever in this bit - just the usual drill of emailing topofthepods@gmail.com with your lists and the visit www.topofthepods.com to hear them. Its been a busy day at TOTP Towers:-

• 10 – Ask for directions
• 9 – Headache instead of affection
• 8 – Cry during a movie
• 7 – Ring the AA to change a tyre
• 6 – Tell your mates you love them
• 5 – Order a salad as you're on a new diet
• 4 – Send a text to your mate to tell them you got home alright
• 3 - Go to the toilet with a mate
• 2 – Go clothes shopping with your best friend all day
• 1 – Put the toilet seat down

TOTP - Top Ten Things They Need To Make

Rob is a very demanding chap, especially when it comes to things that don't exist. Here is the www.topofthepods.com list of things somebody needs to make. It really is our gift to the world, full of ideas that could make you rich. Email us at topofthepods@gmail.com with your lists and suggestions for shows:-

• 10 – Built in solar powered heating and aircon for cars
• 9 – Transformers the Movie (we mentioned this on another show and Rowley told us they are actually doing one)
• 8 – Speed cameras triggered by mobile phones
• 7 – Remote controls that you can page
• 6 – Outside lane max headroom barriers
• 5 – Free WiFi everywhere
• 4 – A cure for headaches and common colds
• 3 - A Playstation product in the UK the same time as the rest of the world
• 2 – Ironing machines
• 1 – Car stereo with an ipod slot

Thanks to everyone who helped us get back into the iTunes directory again today - all our audience have given some fantastic support and we couldn't have done it without you all working together. Also thanks to Apple for the quick turnaround of getting us back up and running in the iTunes directory.

Apple iTunes dilemma

Quite a long blog entry from a problem we were having earlier today, click our spoilers link to read the full post.

• If all goes according to plan we will be doing some interviews with a radio station and newspaper tomorrow. We were going to recommend that people that are new to podcasting would go to our site, click the "Subscribe via iTunes" button and everything would be taken care of. The eagle-eyed among you will notice that last night we were totally removed from iTunes. Apple know our email address but have dropped us without contacting us with a reason. The convenience of searching for our show in iTunes no longer yields any results. Where our show once stood in the iTunes Top 100 UK podcasts chart, now stands the network US radio show WDYD's Best of Jim And Randy.
  
  Everything was going so well, all the time and effort we have been putting into making our show was paying off. The fair nature of iTunes basing their charts on the number of subscribers was giving our show the exposure our listeners thought we deserved. In this new level playing field it felt great that two ordinary guys doing something they enjoyed doing could take on the big boys of broadcasting. That was what felt great about podcasting.
  
  A manual cut and paste of the XML RSS url feed is the only way you'll be able to subscribe to our show in future - try explaining that on a radio show to people without any confusion. We are back to the good old days of podcasting, the 'one-click' dream has been shattered.
  
  We wanted to really give Apple the credit it deserves by telling the public that iTunes is the software to download for people getting into podcasting. Its a shame that all these new potential listeners to podcasting won't hear about iTunes software anymore. Some of these people might have gone on to purchase music from iTunes, maybe even an iPod or a computer. But how can we possibly recommend some software that isn't user friendly when it comes to subscribing to our show?
  
  We don't really know what we have done to upset Apple. Perhaps when we recorded the Top Ten Apple Products we didn't mention them enough, maybe giving them only the number 2 position in the Top Ten Cool Brands or number 8 in the Top Ten Best Web sites. When we put the iPod and iBook right at the top of the list of gadgets to have that might have swayed their decision to delete us from their directory without reason. We were under the impression that our show was family friendly, we have never hurt anyone and we have always promoted Apple.
  
  That is our dilemma, we need to know how we should handle it - please use our comments board. We certainly don't want to recommend podcasting to the general public with some obscure method of subscribing, especially when Apple went to all that effort to making the process as easy as possible. But we are not really PR people, maybe we should ask the expert PR people at Apple who deal with these sort of dilemmas all the time? Why don't you try asking them too? Their contact details are found at http://www.apple.com/pr/contacts. We are guessing that Tom Neumayr is the real expert in PR because they've given him the position of Press Contacts Manager for iTunes, so he is bound to be the best person to discuss using iTunes for podcasting. He's bound to have lots of spare time on his hands to talk about why it isn't easy for our listeners to subscribe to our shows any more using their products - especially now that Apple has cleaned all these nasty offensive non-profit making podcasts from their directory he won't need to be dealing with all those complains from concerned parents and record company execs any more.

TOTP - Top Ten Moments In Life That Run In Slow Motion

Remember those points in your life when time stands still? We try to think of a few for our www.topofthepods.com web site. If you can think of any more lists then please email topofthepods@gmail.com with yours - and don't forget to put reasons for each item:-

• 10 – Waiting for someone to say yes
• 9 – Whenever my computer hangs
• 8 – Getting served at the Cock Inn Pub in Peterborough
• 7 – Use my DVD player
• 6 – When your garage phones you up to give you an estimate
• 5 – When you spit before you use the urinal
• 4 – Lending my mobile phone to someone
• 3 - Every time I go into a wine bar and order a round of drinks
• 2 – Wandering into a restaurant when you are hungry and finding a massive queue
• 1 – Every time I use a cash machine

TOTP - Top Ten Annoying Things That Old People Do

Chris Kent, what a great guy. He wrote a list, emailed it to topofthepods@gmail.com, then we only went and made one of those newfangled podcast thingies out of for www.topofthepods.com:-

• 10 – Wear too few clothes when on the beach
• 9 – Fart uncontrollably
• 8 – Keep telling you about the past when your not interested
• 7 – Repeatedly ask stupid questions
• 6 – Do stupid things with their computer and then expect you to fix it
• 5 – Take out their false teeth and show them to you
• 4 – Drive too slowly
• 3 - Wear formal clothes when they don't have to work
• 2 – Lose their glasses when you want them to read something
• 1 – Wear too few clothes when on the beach

Are you old* and annoying? Then why not leave your age on our comments board alongside an example of something annoying you do. Prizes go to the oldest and most annoying thing**.

* - Above 40
** - The best thing is we can promise you a prize and because you are so old you'll forget all about.

TOTP - Top Ten Alternate Swear Words

We don't actually swear on this show - it is family friendly so don't worry! What a great list from Ben who sent this list to topofthepods@gmail.com in some crazy Mac-only format, fortunatly Rob managed to call upon the vast library of PC software to read Bens list. If you want to help us out on www.topofthepods.com then why not subscribe using iTunes? Subscribing using iTunes means that Apple will rank us higher in their top 100 podcasts, which gives us a little more exposure for those who haven't heard of our show before:-

• 10 – Tool
• 9 – Dipstick
• 8 – Jeepers
• 7 – Fiddlesticks
• 6 – Shoot
• 5 – Berk
• 4 – Typical
• 3 - Eejit
• 2 – Fudge
• 1 – Smeg

Announcement

Due to the nature of our show we have decided it would inappropriate to record a podcast tonight. Thanks to everyone for all the emails of concern that we have been getting today about the attack on London, we are both fine.

Our thoughts are with the people who have lost family and friends in the attack, and we would like to thank our emergency services for their hard work today.

Jon and Rob

TOTP - Top Ten Apple Products

Mark 'LeShark' Nicholson (which is French for 'The Shark') emailed topofthepods@gmail.com with his favourite ten Apple products. Send us your list to the same address and we'll do you a show on www.topofthepods.com :-

• 10 – iSight
• 9 – Bluetooth wireless keyboard / mouse
• 8 – Apple Newton
• 7 – eMac / iMac
• 6 – OS X Tiger
• 5 – iPod Mini
• 4 – AirPort Express Base Station
• 3 - Power Mac
• 2 – Mac Mini
• 1 – Original iPod

TOTP - Top Ten Search Engine Tips

We like to be geeky once in a while as we can't always think of anything funny to say. Today Rob tries teaching everyone a thing or two about getting listed by search engines. You might want to skip todays www.topofthepods.com if you are not a computer nerd, but if you write a blog this might help you get noticed:-

• 10 – Know your keywords
• 9 – Make sure your web site is search engine friendly
• 8 – Don’t expect search engines can read images
• 7 – Avoid using a flash / pdf only site
• 6 – Avoid those people that sell "Submit to 10,000 search engines", and dynamic sites sometimes get ignored
• 5 – Remember Google ranks by links coming in
• 4 – Make your keywords prominent and relevant
• 3 - Submit properly
• 2 – Monitor and react
• 1 – Update your content

Tell us what you think by emailing topofthepods@gmail.com, we've got another computer one for tommorow to really scare everyone who was expecting some more food lists away. If you want to try some of our older shows then why not go back to our archives for April, May, June and July - you'll be able to download our entire back catalogue - we have almost 70 shows for your listening pleasure.

TOTP - Top Ten Reasons Why I Is Proud To Be An American

One word. Sorry. Not that Rob isn't bitter about the American company Apple messing up on iTunes, or the American web site Podcast Alley crashing in Top of the Pods moment of number 4 glory, or the American that stole Robs last decent girlfriend. But it is the Forth of July, and we were going to do a 'Top Ten Misconceptions About Americans'. It seemed like a better idea to ask our resident token Americans Hank and Eugene to present the same list of why they are proud of their countries achievements:-

• 10 – We have the best in TV
• 9 – We roll in piles of money
• 8 – We invented the English language
• 7 – We make the best tourists
• 6 – We eat loads
• 5 – We dominate the Podcast Alley charts
• 4 – We brought the world Sir David Hasselhoff
• 3 - We drink, wash and swim in unlimited supplies of oil and gasoline
• 2 – We get to invade other peoples countries and tell them how to run it
• 1 – We have the best girls

Express your opinions, thoughts and death threats to topofthepods@gmail.com, we'll read out the best ones on our www.topofthepods.com podcast.

TOTP - Top Ten Comedy Double Acts

Its Robs favourite comedy double acts on www.topofthepods.com. Sorry to the rest of the world for a high volume of UK based comedian references, but we do spawn some classic shows (unlike the US). Take 'The Office' for example - oh sorry, the US did - then look what happened. Email abuse to topofthepods@gmail.com. :-

• 10 – Cannon and Ball
• 9 – Little and Large
• 8 - The Mighty Boosh
• 7 – Adam and Joe
• 6 – Taggart and Rosewood
• 5 – Smith and Jones
• 4 – Baddiel and Skinner
• 3 - Vic and Bob
• 2 – Barry and Paul Chuckle
• 1 – Morecambe and Wise

TOTP - Top Ten Blokes To Go Down The Pub With

Paul from www.podcastpaul.com has sent us a list to topofthepods@gmail.com with his ten ideal men that he'd like to go drinking on a night out with. We just had to read this list out on www.topofthepods.com. Thanks by the way to everyone that helped us reach number 4 yesterday on www.podcastalley.com, we think this is both because of Mark from the Tartan Podcast asking his vast audience to vote for us, and also because America was fast asleep at the time:-

• 10 – Rod Hull
• 9 – Chris Evans
• 8 – David Beckham
• 7 – Robbie Williams
• 6 – George Best
• 5 – Frank Bruno
• 4 – Mr T
• 3 - Jamie Oliver
• 2 – Suggs from Madness
• 1 – Steven Hawkins

TOTP - Top Ten Things To Do To Drunk People

Now we here at the work and family safe www.topofthepods.com don't usually take advantage of people, unless they are too drunk to remember. So this weekend if you get the opportunity here is a list of ten things to do to your wasted chums:-

• 10 – Mobile phone language settings
• 9 – Face painting
• 8 – Arrange a date via text message
• 7 – Clothes tampering
• 6 – Hand in hot water
• 5 – Hair removal
• 4 – Clock and time tampering
• 3 - Dump them on doorsteps
• 2 – Credit card fraud
• 1 – Tattoos

We also had a special guest appearance from two special actors from the classic 1980's film Breakdance telling you to download iPodder and subscribe to the Top of the Pods feed. Remember to keep your own listener lists flooding in to topofthepods@gmail.com. Oh, then there is the small matter of going to this web site and entering your email address in as we were number 7 at one point today...

http://www.podcastalley.com/one_vote2.php?pod_id=2992

TOTP - Top Ten Star Wars Characters From Episodes 1 to 3

Adam from Australia has emailed topofthepods@gmail.com with his list of the best Star Wars Characters From Episodes 1 to 3, so we proudly read them out on www.topofthepods.com :-

• 10 - Jabba the Hutt
• 9 - Jango Fett
• 8 - Mace Windu
• 7 - R2D2
• 6 - Nute Gunray
• 5 - Anakin Skywalker
• 4 - Emperor/Darth Sidious
• 3 - Obi Wan Kenobi
• 2 - Darth Maul
• 1 - Yoda

TOTP - Top Ten People Rob Wont Miss When They Go

Rob from http://www.topofthepods.com/ was in such a bad mood today that he started compiling hate lists, if you want to agree or disagree then email topofthepods@gmail.com:-

• 10 – Micheal Carrol
• 9 – Gary Glitter
• 8 – Jimmy Carr
• 7 – Geoffrey Archer
• 6 – All Ex-Big Brother Contestants
• 5 – Liza Minelli
• 4 – That Eamon Bloke
• 3 - J-Lo
• 2 – Cast of Friends
• 1 – The Crazy Frog

TOTP - Top Ten Ways To Cope In Hot Weather

In all this warm weather we are having recently Rob took it upon himself to knock out a www.topofthepods.com Top Ten list for keeping cool:-

• 10 – Go outdoors
• 9 – Hold a BBQ
• 8 – Keep the fridge stocked with ice creams and lollipops
• 7 – Have lots of showers
• 6 – Cotton, t-shirts, light colours, sandals
• 5 – Spray yourself in cold water
• 4 – Home made air conditioner
• 3 - Turn off electrical stuff
• 2 – Swimming
• 1 – Drink everything in sight

Please keep those emails coming in to topofthepods@gmail.com and don't forget we have 2 days left to get into the Top 50 at Podcast Alley, so please vote here - today we are 69 in the charts!

TOTP - Top Ten Office Pranks

We all like to have a little fun when we work. Rob has compiled his Top Ten list of office pranks:-

• 10 – Play hide and seek with other peoples stuff
• 9 – Upside down desk
• 8 – Swapping desk draws
• 7 – Fill draws up with lots of small things
• 6 – Computer peripheral swapping
• 5 – Desktop wallpaper screengrab
• 4 – Wrapping possessions - here is the Tin Foil desk website
• 3 - Swap keys on a keyboard
• 2 – Telephone highlighter mouthpeice
• 1 – Open, modify and reseal parcels

Here is the video which goes along with the number one of the Top Ten Office Pranks (check out the podcast mp3 first though), and thanks to Terry W for helping film this:-

Top_of_the_Pods_Bike_Prank.wmv

TOTP - Top Ten Scottish Misconceptions

Mark from the Tartan Podcast has not only been trying to get us into a decent position in Podcast Alley, but busy writing lists. He was so fed up with peoples misconceptions about those wonderful Scottish people that he wrote the a list of them for us here at www.topofthepods.com:-

• 10 – They are all alcoholics
• 9 – They all eat haggis
• 8 – They are all mean
• 7 – They all wear kilts
• 6 – They all wear blue face paint running around fields yelling 'freedom'
• 5 – That Scotland is a 3rd world country
• 4 – That English isn't Scotlands first language
• 3 - That Scotland is part of England
• 2 – That The Proclaimers represent the best of Scottish music
• 1 – That it rains a lot

Mark goes on to explain in depth in his email to topofthepods@gmail.com about rain, this explanation is probably best kept to the shownotes:

"...a large piece of Scotland is made up of the ruggedly scenic Highlands, where annual rainfall exceeds 1600mm (63 inches). In comparison, a huge proportion of Scotland, some 3730 square miles, has an annual rainfall of less than 800mm (31 inches). Moreover, many districts in the north and east of the country have a total rainfall of less that 250mm (10 inches) on average over the four Summer months, which is comparable with the drier parts of England."

TOTP - Top Ten Non Human Actors

Humans ain't perfect, especially when it comes to acting (there is a list with J-Los name all over it somewhere). Sometimes its time to step to one side and let something else do the acting. Rob brings his list of the www.topofthepods.com ten non human actors. Remember to keep your lists, comments, audio comments, podcast promos and sponsorship offers flooding into topofthepods@gmail.com:-

• 10 – Kitt
• 9 – ET
• 8 – Herbie
• 7 – Yoda
• 6 – The woman off Terminator 3
• 5 – HAL
• 4 – Gollum
• 3 - The Totty Cylon
• 2 – Mr Jinx
• 1 – Grace Jones

TOTP - Top Ten Office Time Wasting Techniques

Sorry to Giles from Australia who emailed us at topofthepods@gmail.com a while ago, we have been so disorganised that we haven't had a chance to present his list of Top Ten Office Time Wasting Techniques on www.topofthepods.com. Due to the popularity of our iPodder advert we have been busy writing another script to appeal to our American audience :-

• 10 – Chatting about last nights TV
• 9 – Tiding desk
• 8 – Phone call to mates
• 7 – Football results discussion
• 6 – Writing TOTP Top Tens
• 5 – Toilet (with newspaper)
• 4 – Emailing
• 3 - The walkabout
• 2 – Coffee/tea procurement
• 1 – Internet browsing

TOTP - Top Ten Cult Shows

Its listener list today, not only does Rowley from Dark Compass provide us with server space, but also writes excellent show material. He just wrote them, sent them in to topofthepods@gmail.com, then we posted them here on www.topofthepods.com - here are the Top Ten Cult Shows:-

• 10 – The X-Files
• 9 – Babylon 5
• 8 – The Prisoner
• 7 – The Avengers
• 6 – Thunderbirds
• 5 – Blake's Seven
• 4 – Stargate SG-1 and Stargate Atlantis
• 3 - Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel
• 2 – Star Trek
• 1 – Doctor Who

TOTP - Top Ten Alternate Doctor Who Actors

With Christopher Eccleston leaving the role of Doctor Who we compiled a Top Ten list of true Englishmen who we thought would make a great replacement. Stay tuned at the end of todays show on www.topofthepods.com, we have produced an exclusive public information advert for podcasting. If you haven't already switched off half way through then wait until the end for some hidden outtakes:-

• 10 – Lawrence Lewin Bowen
• 9 – Adam Curry
• 8 – Jim Royal
• 7 – Boris Johnson
• 6 – Jack Dee
• 5 – Noel Edmunds
• 4 – Lee Evans
• 3 - Frank Butcher
• 2 – Paul Merton
• 1 – Mr T

We need your feedback!
We have recently switched hosting, thanks to Sir Rowland Cutler from the DarkCompass podcast for helping us out with our new servers. During the update we have made some changes to the MP3 tags including some new album art, please let us know if we have got things right or wrong by leaving us some comments on our web site or emailing topofthepods@gmail.com. Once everyone is happy we will be shifting the entire back catalogue over to the new server with the latest tags and filename conventions.

TOTP - Top Ten Things Everyone Thinks They Could Do

Thanks to Al from Rhode Island, USA for this list. He sent an email to topofthepods@gmail.com and we just put it up on our web site www.topofthepods.com :-

• 10 – Write song lyrics
• 9 – Design a web site
• 8 – Write movie reviews
• 7 – Be a comedian
• 6 – Write comedy
• 5 – Invent the next hot selling item
• 4 – Work in sports
• 3 - Write Top Ten Lists
• 2 – Name anything
• 1 – Write a book

TOTP - Top Ten Financial Surprises

Rob from http://www.topofthepods.com/ is a right old skinflint. He hates parting with his hard earned green. He went bowling and hasn't stopped complaining about the rip-off since. He's got himself in such a tizz that he has put together a top ten list of financial surprises. Email us at topofthepods@gmail.com and tell if you think Rob is right to moan about the price of bowling...:-

• 10 – Going bowling
• 9 – Extended Warranties
• 8 – Holidays
• 7 – Bank fees
• 6 – Buying a house
• 5 – When electrical appliances go wrong
• 4 – Wine bar
• 3 - Plumbers
• 2 – Car repairs
• 1 – Vets bills

TOTP - Jon's Top Ten Crisp Flavo(u)rs

Jonathan from http://www.topofthepods.com/ likes crisps and eats far too many of them - so much so that he has had to employ a personal trainer to come round and kick his fat crispy ass into shape before he goes on his holiday. So to celebrate his love of crisps, Jon decided to list his top ten favourites... Email us at topofthepods@gmail.com and tell us which flavours you like best:-

• 10 – Walkers Beef & Onion
  Is this the brummies fave crisp? I heard it was once on a comedy routine.
• 9 – Walkers Salt & Vineger
  Demoted. Not what they used to be.
• 8 – American QuarterBacks
  New entry due to being reminded of their existance during conversation about top ten crisp flavours.
• 7 – Tangy Toms
  At 10p a bag they were a bargain - do they still exist?
• 6 – Scampi Fries
  Problem: they stink
• 5 – Walkers Roast Chicken
• 4 – Flamin' Hot Monster Munch
• 3 - Roast Beef Monster Munch
  
• 2 – Salt & Vinegar twists
  Not garage ones - they are always rubbish
• 1 – M&S Prawn Cocktail shells
  Waitrose also do them, but pipped by M&S
  Why did Sainsbury stop doing them?

TOTP - Top Ten Reasons To Use Skype

Jonathan and Rob from http://www.topofthepods.com/ like are crazy about Skype. So crazy in fact that Rob came up with ten whole reasons why you lot should use Skype too. Email us at topofthepods@gmail.com and tell us if you are crazy about skype too. Or if you like, you could skype us - topofthepods is our ID:-

• 10 – Skype Chat
• 9 – Great studio integration
• 8 – Skype In
• 7 – You can use a traditional style phone with it
• 6 – Runs on a Pocket PC
• 5 – Voicemail
• 4 – Skype Out
• 3 - Portablility
• 2 – Ability to call a complete stranger (Skype Me)
• 1 – It's Free

TOTP - Top Ten Cool Brands

Jonathan from http://www.topofthepods.com/ likes his brands. Some might say he's a marketeers dream. Others might say he likes to waste money on overpriced crap. Well, Jon came up with some interesting if not lazy items in his top ten cool brands. The phrase scraping the barrel does come to mind on some of his choices. And where do you think Apple came in his top ten? Email us at topofthepods@gmail.com and tell us what you favourite brands are - hopefully they wont include washing machine makers:-

• 10 - Ferrari
• 9 - MTV
• 8 - Meile (????)
• 7 - BBC
• 6 - Carlsburg
• 5 - Sony
• 4 - Adobe
• 3 - Smart
• 2 - Apple
• 1 - Howies

TOTP - Top Ten Things Rob Can't Live Without

Here at http://www.topofthepods.com/ we like our stuff. We like the little things that make our little lives that little bit more interesting. Some of these things we just can't live without and with this in mind Rob decided to put pen to paper and mouth to mic and let us in on a few little secrets - His top ten list of things he just can't give up. Email us at topofthepods@gmail.com and tell us how many of these things you can't live without. There may be a few you agree with, but there are probably a few you are thinking are a little odd. Sorry about that. That's just Rob:-

• 10 - Oscilating Fan
• 9 - Ketchup
• 8 - Podcasting
• 7 - Music
• 6 - Cheese (?)
• 5 - Foreign Travel
• 4 - Nice Cup Of Tea and Some Sugar
• 3 - Cleaning Teeth
• 2 - Pocket PC
• 1 - The Internet

TOTP - Top Ten Things you shouldn't have on your car

Here at www.topofthepods.com we get very irritated by some car drivers. Rob has been spending too many hours behind the wheel in traffic jams getting upset by other drivers stupid bits attached to their stupid cars. Email us at topofthepods@gmail.com and tell us how many of these you are guilty of:-

• 10 – Baby on board notice
• 9 – Nodding dogs
• 8 – Travel blankets
• 7 – Stupid blue lights
• 6 – Beaded seat cover
• 5 – Extra bodywork
• 4 – Alloys
• 3 - Bad paint jobs
• 2 – Stickers saying Chas and Dave
• 1 – Anything hanging from the mirror

TOTP - Top Ten Tips For Dealing With Bad Customer Service

Its the www.topofthepods.com show about standing up for yourself as a consumer, try a few of these for tips when dealing with complaining. By the way, if you want to complain about the state of this show email topofthepods@gmail.com :-

• 10 – Don't get personal
• 9 – Call up and hang up repeatedly to call centers
• 8 – Dont complain about food unless you can see the kitchen
• 7 – Keep a diary of events
• 6 – Don't dial any numbers during a telephone menu system
• 5 – Record your convesations
• 4 – Stern, polite, calm but loud
• 3 - Get full names and telephone extentions
• 2 – Dont pay
• 1 – Use a watchdog organisation

TOTP - Top Ten Brazillians

Felipe from Rio de Janeiro issued us a challenge at www.topofthepods.com, it was to find the Top Ten Brazillians. We did our best. If you can issue us with a challenge like Filipe did then send your emails to topofthepods@gmail.com.:-

• 10 – Nelson Picay
• 9 – Erton Senna
• 8 – Gizella
• 7 – Brazillians Haircuts
• 6 – Pele
• 5 – Barachello
• 4 – Nuts
• 3 - Renaldo
• 2 – Sorcatese
• 1 – Jesus on the Hill

Also worth reading : Brazilian Star Wars Review

TOTP - Top Ten War Movies

Its Jons www.topofthepods.com top ten war movies, and Rob has only seen half of them. Tell us if you've seen any of these by emailing topofthepods@gmail.com, don't forget to express your dismay that Dr Strangelove isn't even in the chart:-

• 10 – The Bridge on the River Kwai
• 9 – The Great Escape
• 8 – The Deerhunter
• 7 – Born on the Forth of July
• 6 – Platoon
• 5 – Zulu
• 4 – Full Metal Jacket
• 3 - Black Hawk Down
• 2 – Apocolpyse Now
• 1 – Saving Private Ryan

TOTP - Top Ten Failed Technologies

On www.topofthepods.com today Rob brings you his top ten list of failed technologies, email us at topofthepods@gmail.com if you still own any of these (and let Jon know who Dave Winer is) :-

• 10 – Betamax video
• 9 – Apple Newton
• 8 – Laserdisc
• 7 – Eight Track
• 6 – Personal transport
• 5 – Sega / Nintendo / Atari
• 4 – The Amstrad Emailer
• 3 - Java
• 2 – iPod Batteies
• 1 – Bluetooth

The BritPack - Probably the Best Podcasting in the UK

As proud members of Britcaster.com we were delighted to be offered a spot on the showcase podcast known as Britpack. After much timewasting and several attempts at different formats we sent over a couple of off the cuff performances talking about why you lot should listen to us. They chose one and slotted it in near the end of the cast. Don't skip any though as there's a whole host of offerings from some of the UK's best podcasters, so there's definately something for everyone. Enjoy. We did.

The BritPack - Volume One.

Contents:
Podcast Paul
Bitjobs for the Masses
A Minor Technicality
Dark Compass
Dissident Vox
Top of the Pods
A Brit Abroad
The Richard Vobes Radio Show

Thats it. You know the drill about emailing us at topofthepods@gmail.com, we'll play your stuff on http://www.topofthepods.com/ - no questions asked.

TOTP - Top Ten Horrible Foods

Don't eat whilst you listen to this, its Jons top ten list of horrible foods:-

• 10 – Liver
• 9 – Chicken Neck
• 8 – Sushi
• 7 – Hearts
• 6 – Insects
• 5 – Pig Trotters
• 4 - Shellfish
• 3 - Monkey Brains
• 2 – Sheeps Eyes
• 1 – Testicals

Yuk! Tell us if you've been ill listening to this by emailing topofthepods@gmail.com - we'll read out any emails we get on http://www.topofthepods.com/.

TOTP - Top Ten Signs That You Are A Geek

Please run through this checklist, we have both scored 6 out of 10 in Robs top ten signs that you are a geek:-

• 10 – Role playing games
• 9 – You run Linux, and boy does everyone else know it
• 8 – You wear sandals
• 7 – You know every blooper and trivia in films
• 6 – Been to sci-fi conventions
• 5 – Engadget not just in your favourites, but also in your RSS feed reader
• 4 – USB enabled everything
• 3 - You compile your own software
• 2 – Pinups are all scifi chicks
• 1 – You look like one

How did you score in this? Let us know by composing a message in Emacs, piping out the results to Sendmail to email topofthepods@gmail.com then pointing Lynx to www.topofthepods.com.

TOTP - Top Ten Hard Animals

Can Jon stop laughing for one minute? Well no as it happens. Like two childish schoolboys Jon and Rob mess about and somehow get around to presenting the Top Ten Hard Animals:-

• 10 – Pirhana
• 9 – Snake
• 8 – Killer bees
• 7 – Rhino
• 6 – Lion
• 5 – Killer Whale
• 4 – Scorpion
• 3 - Black Widow
• 2 – Crocodile
• 1 – Shark

Hey, why not head over to our page on Podcast Alley and click the Vote Now! link to help us climb up those charts and get us noticed? We only need your help for one month to get our site www.topofthepods.com into the public eye for a split second, then a few more people might listen to us. We hope. Also we need to know what you think of the show, are we getting the lists right? Email us at topofthepods@gmail.com or just leave some comments on the blog.

TOTP - Top Ten Ways To Blow A Million

Easy come, easy go, here are the top ten ways to spend one million pounds / dollars / smackers WITHOUT any assets at the end:-

• 10 – Blow it all on the lottery
• 9 – Buy the house / entire street next to Bernard Manning and donate to foreigners
• 8 – Rent a footballer
• 7 – Hire an A List Hollywood actor to come and clean
• 6 – Add all the Sky channels for life
• 5 – Casino
• 4 – Throw a party for tramps
• 3 - Ticket to the moon
• 2 – Put towards an animal hostal
• 1 – Good holiday

Thats it. You know the drill about emailing us at topofthepods@gmail.com, we'll play your stuff on www.topofthepods.com - no questions asked.

TOTP - Top Ten Things To Do On The Toilet

We've finally scraped the bottom of the barrel, here is the Top Ten Things To Do On The Toilet:-

• 10 – Read the newspaper
• 9 – Play with your Pocket PC
• 8 – Browse the Internet (on your Pocket PC)
• 7 – Phone a Friend
• 6 – Crossword
• 5 – Read the shampoo bottle
• 4 – Pick nose
• 3 - Check email (on your Pocket PC)
• 2 – Reading a novel
• 1 – Send a text message

Texting on the loo? Yuk. Tell us if this is normal to topofthepods@gmail.com and we'll read the results on www.topofthepods.com.